Friday, July 8, 2011

The Dream Project

Two days … twelve hours, add a few more to it … what’s wrong with you … I mean do you even give a damn that I exist … agree you hate the sunshine, so I thought let’s meet in the evening … and you still didn’t turn up, are you fine?
The problem … yes, I know, it is that you take me for granted, granted for the fact that I love you, but you despise it, you don’t want to feel the warmth that is hidden inside my love, you rather would throw me away like a pebble … and I know I will come back to you, my feelings would take me back to you like the waves of the sea, always toward the shore … huh, it kills me. Do you even realize that?
I stood there letting you go, walking away from me holding his hands, I was quiet because you loved him and I did let you go, your happiness was there, with him, you believed in it, so I didn’t have a say … I trusted your love because my love in you kept me alive for so many years …
We decided we’d talk, possibly every week, didn’t turn out that way, because you went overseas and after that I could only see you in my dreams, picturing you every moment, how you’d be … but whenever that phone rang, I hoped you’d call, I seriously did, because you said no matter what happens you’d stay ... You always did stay in my heartbeats , you were always there, but not in a visible mode, and that frustrated me … it really did at times, I thought I’d call you, but the fact that you never tried kept me away. I thought that would be an interference in your balanced life, I pictured at times you running here and there with your kids, they being as notorious as you’ve always been … ahhh … but I’d know the world would never understand the bond we always shared ... the strange bond of friendship and love that would always go together … till I take my last breath, for you will stay in my heart, what we shared will … our frustrations and dreams will … and it really didn’t matter to me that day when you walked down the aisle with him. Coz I knew you were happy ... that was my happiness … you were my happiness!!

So what happened to the dreams, what happened to the dream project we were supposed to work on together?
And look at you, you still will not speak, can you tell me how long is this no-verbal-speech period of yours?
I am not dripping these tears because I am melting, I don’t want to, you’ve been a stubborn head all your life, you still are being one …
You can’t walk away without giving me an answer …
Not this time ...
For the meet after twelve years wasn’t expected to be like this, it just wasn’t. I rather dreamt my kids befriending yours, or my son wooing your daughter and you giving me a bad stare, as you always did when I was up to something freaky … do you remember?
You forgot ...”
Sir, please, don’t lose it, she’ll be there with us, with all of us … she wrote her will the night she took her last breath …
The envelope read ...
“I am sorry, I thought I’d call you up, but then came this, another thought that I’d be interfering in your life, how can I just call you after four long years. I was not well for a long time and apart from this, there was a lot to share, but whenever I picked up the phone something kept me away from calling you, my fears did, my fear of losing you soon did … he always kept me happy with his love and care but I let him go, I didn’t hold the right to ruin his life with my illness, leave that … you must be having a beautiful wife and kids by now … I so badly want to see them. I have a beautiful daughter, and I’ve named her as per we decided ... Do friends ever decide the names of their future kids? We did he …
And hey, you better keep your son away from her, I know you must be having a lovely baby boy … can you name him Tarzan for me … ha ha.

I never had time … and after it was diagnosed, I didn’t wanted to share the pain with you, I was your happiness. I just wanted to bid adieu on that note …
Here’s a share I earned for our dream project … and it’s an order … you’ll work for it. Sorry for being an ass … and thanks for what you gave me, the sunshine of your friendship, I know HE can’t take that from me!!”